Wine After Whiskey
by Caz251
Summary: Tony's thoughts on his relationships with Jethro and Jeanne.
Written for the prompt angst at gen prompt bingo. Not sure how angsty it really is, but it's a shot at it. Inspired by Carrie Underwood's Wine After Whiskey.

Their relationship had been explosive to begin with, like a raging inferno that had burned through them. It had been intense and all consuming, Tony had felt warm and strangely safe within the raging passion that was his and Jethro's relationship. After a while the explosive passion that had been their relationship died down into a more manageable fire, rather like a hearth fire the relationship kept him warm, but it was now more comfortable and there was more to it than just passion. Their relationship was now a fire that would continue to burn at a steady rate, or it would have had it not been for the explosion, an actual explosion, the one that had taken Gibbs and their relationship away from him.

Tony had waited desperately to hear that Jethro had woken up, unable to go to the hospital himself as he had to continue working on the case he could only rely on second hand knowledge. Finding out that his lover was awake but had no memory of any of them was heart wrenching. Gibbs believed that he had just returned from Desert Storm after an explosion rather than the explosion that had actually put him in hospital many years later.

Ziva claimed that she had gotten Gibbs to remember, but while he remembered some things regarding the case he hadn't remembered the important things about his own life. For Jethro he had not long ago lost his first wife and their daughter, he hadn't married and divorced three other women and he certainly hadn't settled down with his Senior Field Agent. Tony wasn't sure what to do, Ducky had cautioned them all about trying to force Gibbs to remember things saying that it could do more harm than good. His lover was hurting though and Tony wanted to help him, but he didn't know how.

When Gibbs handed over his badge and gun to Tony putting the team in his hands Tony wanted to cry, despite the gaps in Gibbs' memory Tony could still read the other man and he knew that he was getting ready to run. He wasn't surprised when after finally getting away from the Director and the Navy Yard he returned home to find that Jethro had already left.

That night Tony cried himself to sleep, ignoring the inner voice that told him DiNozzo's don't cry, mourning the loss of his relationship. Jethro didn't remember him or anything they had been through, the man had just left him without even a proper goodbye. Awakening early the next morning Tony removed his belongings that he had scattered about the house, taking them back to his apartment before getting ready for work, after all he had no idea who Gibbs had looking after the house or how much they knew about Tony and Jethro's relationship before the explosion.

Tony struggled as Team Lead at first, trying to find his footing, at first he had tried to carry on as if Gibbs was only away at meetings or something, trying to keep the team the same, but that wasn't working. He was continuously being told that he wasn't Gibbs, and that hurt, he didn't want to be Jethro, he just wanted the man home with him, more so than the team wanted him back, not that the team actually noticed. He then tried things his way, and they seemed to work for him, although the rest of his team was resistant, they would just have to get used to it.

Working as the Team Lead meant that he had more interaction with the Director than he ever had before and he soon began to rely on her as a friend and her opinion of him started to matter to him. When she asked him to undertake an undercover operation he had agreed to it, although he was rather worried about some aspects of it. The Director seemed to be his only backup, but as Gibbs wasn't there to watch his back anyway that seemed acceptable.

When Gibbs had returned Tony asked that he be read in on the operation, but the Director had refused. Tony wanted to call a halt to the operation then, it felt wrong to him now that Gibbs was back again. Even if the other man still didn't have his full memory back Tony felt weird being out in the field on an op without Gibbs at his six. The nature of the op made him want to tell Gibbs as well, as far as Tony was concerned they had never broken up, even if Jethro wasn't fully aware of what they were to each other to Tony they were still in a relationship, the op was too much like cheating to him.

The Director wasn't willing to budge on the matter though, and she had almost ordered him to sleep with Jeanne in order to continue to strengthen their operational position. Tony did as ordered, hating himself for every moment he spent with Jeanne, time that he told himself he should be with Jethro trying to fix their relationship. He knew that at this point their relationship was practically over, he had now done what he had promised to never do, he had sunk to the level of the ex-wives cheating on Jethro behind his back.

Tony had wondered a few times if the Director perhaps knew about their relationship and was using this op to not only get to the Frog but to split him and Jethro up so that she could have another shot at him. He knew that if Jethro ever really remembered him and then found out about this operation that there would be no relationship left between them. It made him want to scream and rage out at the injustice of it all, even time with Jeanne as nice as she was couldn't make him happy. She was a great person, but when compared to Jethro he found her lacking, it was like having wine after whiskey.

Jeanne while not who he really wanted was all that he had left. He put his all into their relationship playing the dutiful boyfriend while reporting all he could find of her father's movements to the Director. He spent his days at work playing Very Special Agent Tony DiNozzo, hoping that his undercover operation wasn't affecting his job in anyway and trying not to let his feelings get the better of him. Gibbs was back barking out orders like normal, but Jethro was nowhere to be seen, and even if he was he wouldn't want Tony anymore, not after what he had done, orders or not.

Tony resigned himself to his fate. If Jeanne's dad didn't kill him for his involvement in his arrest, if that is what the Director managed, then he was going to be left a solitary life. Jeanne would no doubt leave when she found out that their relationship had been a lie, and Jethro well he wouldn't leave, he would still be in Tony's life day in and day out, but he would be out of reach to him. Tony shook himself out of his maudlin mood before getting into his car and heading to meet Jeanne and her father, he just hoped that everything would end soon and he could stop living a double life.


End file.
